Requiem for Coordinators
by Lizzy Rebel
Summary: [oneshot, songfic, KF] After her night with Kira, Fllay muses on what could’ve been and what will be


**Title:** Requiem for Coordinators

**Author:** Lizzy Rebel

**Chapter: **one-shot

**Disclaimer:** Listen up, luvs, I don't own _Gundam SEED_ in anyway shape or form, savvy? However, if I did own it you can expect that I'd be a lot nicer to Fllay Allster. And the song _Easier to Run_ is owned by Linkin Park and whoever published their music. Go them!

**Keywords:** Fllay, Kira, and musings

**Pairings:** Fllay/Kira

**Rating: **PG-13 for innuendo and Fllay's usage of the word bastard (and it's usage right here!)

**Genre:** General/Angst

**Teaser:** After her night with Kira, Fllay muses on what could've been and what will be [one-shot, songfic]

**Feedback:** yes, please!

**Timeline:** During episode 16

**Author's notes: **Okay, hello everybody! And welcome to my first Gundam SEED one-shot featuring my favourite character in the whole series, Fllay Allster! Yes, that's right I have massive Fllay love and I am a supporter of KxF pairing, despite the fact that she dies in the end. I don't care 'cause Fllay is a wicked-awesome character and people really need to cut her some bloody slack.

**Story notes:** Though I haven't seen episode 16 yet (I'm watching it on Toonami) I am aware of the fact that Kira wakes up in the same bed as Fllay and that he's semi-nude, and so is Fllay. In my mind that spells S-E-X so that's what happened, savvy? You Lacus/Kira fans can believe whatever you want, but the truth of the matter is that's what happened. Also note that this is when Fllay is alone in Kira's room. The poor fellow won't have a word to say in this fic.

**Warnings:** There is the whole sex thing and the whole not-bashing Fllay Allster. Other then that, you're cool!

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**[It's easier to run**

**Replacing this pain with something numb**

**It's so much easier to go**

**Then face all this pain here all alone]**

Perhaps she could have loved him despite his Coordinator status had her father not been killed. Perhaps, in time, she could have learned to act civilized around the Coordinator… but they had struck down her father.

And Fllay Allster swore they would pay.

Poor Kira Yamato, Coordinator pilot of the Strike Gundam, would be caught in the middle of her burning hatred for the men she held responsible for the death of her father and the war she was in.

Sometimes when she looked at him, she wished desperately that she had not met him. That way she would not have to use him like she planned to. Despite being what he was, the young man was kind, gentle, and sweet. She would see it every time in his eyes that he didn't want to fight in the war, didn't want it anymore then she did.

But he was on the _Archangel_ and she had met him. If he was the only way to end the war and avenge her father, then so be it. She refused to let those soft purple eyes make her waver from her path. No matter how sweet, kind, and gentle he was that would not stop her from pushing him into battle.

She would see this war end.

**[Something has been taken**

**From deep inside of me**

**A secret I've kept locked away**

**No one can ever see**

**Wounds so deep they never show**

**They never go away**

**Like moving picture in my head**

**For years and years they've played]**

For a moment, guilt and regret made Fllay's jaw twitch. Ruthlessly, she squashed the emotion. She made herself picture her father's ship being destroyed again and again and again until only the pain and the hatred and the grief was left. Then she had clarity, then she knew what she had to do.

Perhaps she would have dropped her plan, this cold act for revenge, had Kira looked at her when he had left the bed, the bed they had shared only a night before. But he had not looked, had hardly spared her a glance, as he buttoned up his shirt and left her in the room, still trembling from the aftermath.

She had expected to feel dirty when she had awakened, sore. But she wasn't. Her body felt rejuvenated, powerful, wonderfully achy. There had been no sick, disgusted feeling in her stomach when she had looked upon Kira's naked body that morning. No, when she had stroked her fingers through his hair, looking at his peaceful face, she had felt a warm liquid slid into her stomach and across her heart.

**[If I could change I would**

**Take back the pain I would**

**Retrace every wrong move that I made I would**

**If I could**

**Stand up and take the blame I would**

**If I could take all the shame to the grave I**

**Would]**

It could have been love. But Fllay had pulled her hands away from his hair and her eyes from his face and curled onto her side, trembling. Then she had squeezed her eyes shut and picture her father's death, over and over again. When she had finally opened her lids, that warm liquid feeling had been gone, replaced by the ice around her heart that would never melt.

But she would never forget the peaceful look on his face while he had slept. Almost innocent, like a child, she would always think. And she knew that whenever the guilt managed to pass the walls she had built up around her heart, she would see that peaceful look on his face and know, just know, that she had destroyed it.

She curled onto her side, only a thin white sheet covering her body… and she was shivering. Oddly, though, she wasn't cold. In the back of her mind, Fllay heard a voice wonder why she was so very shaky.

Eventually, she knew, she'd have to get out from this bed and face people like Sai and the others. She wondered how he would handle it when he found out she was with Kira now. Would he even care? She hoped not. She did not want to cause him anymore pain then she already had.

**[Sometimes I remember**

**The darkness of my past**

**Bringing back these memories**

**I wish I didn't have**

**Sometimes I think of letting go**

**And never looking back**

**And never moving forward so**

**There would never be a past]**

But for now she was content to lay curled up on Kira's bed, listening to the hubbub of the activities going on just outside the room's door. She felt boneless, lucid, dreamy as she listened to the dim lull of voices and the feet clickedy-clinking against the floor as they passed Kira's room, never assuming someone was still resting inside, almost smiling.

Here she felt safe, almost protected. Kira's smell was everywhere. On the sheets, on the pillows, even in the air. It made her feel heady and drunk. Like the coolest and most refreshing wine had slithered down her throat.

She remembered the way his fingers had ran over her body. They had been hesitant, unsure of themselves, and oh-so gentle. It had, to say the least, surprised her. She had thought that she would have to lay still and just let him have his way, but Kira Yamato had managed to awaken a passion in her she had not thought she had. Under his unsure, clumsy fingers she had come alive, burning with the need for his touch.

Absently, she trailed a finger along her neck, a spot where Kira liked to nibble. She wondered if it would be like this with any other man. She wondered if she had chosen to give her virginity to Sai if she would have enjoyed it as much as she had with Kira.

**[Just washing it aside**

**All of the helplessness inside**

**Pretending I don't feel misplaced**

**Is so much simpler then change]**

But it did not matter, what was done was done.

What would happen now? She wondered. How would Kira act around her and the others? Would he be overprotective? Would he let everyone know that she and he were officially together? Or would he just hide it, pretend it never happened?

Weakly, she raised her head from Kira's pillow, his smells intoxicating her. Blood red tresses feel across her eyes, but she made no move to push them away. She sat up in the bed and wrapped the white sheet around her body, looking down at her limp hands. Her eyes grew blank, dull.

"Those Coordinator bastards will pay for what they did… starting this war and killing my father…" Fllay whispered to herself, her voice harsh and low, "I'll stop this war, Daddy. You'll see…"

She was sure that if her father could see her right now he would be crying in outrage. Her father may have hated the Coordinators—and with proper reason—but he would have never used them. Her father was strong, he did not use people. But she was not strong, and the only way she could fight was to get other people to do it. It was vicious and wrong, but she knew no other way.

"This war will end, one way or another, and I'll see those Coordinators pay for their sins," a part of her was repulsed by the hatred seething from her voice, "And if I have to use Kira Yamato to do that then…" she faltered, her voice loosing its drive before she forced herself to picture her father's ship, exploding into a millions beads of fiery light, "then so be it."

And maybe then she would let that warm liquid flow over her heart and look at Kira not as a Coordinator but a man.

**[It's so much easier to run**

**Replacing this pain with something numb**

**It's so much easier to go**

**Then face all this pain here all alone]**

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**Author's Notes:** yes, that's it. That's actually pretty short for me, believe it or not. I just wanted to get this one-shot out of my head. It's kinda my nod to Fllay, who I think rocks on several profound levels despite her manipulative ways. I suppose the reason I don't hate her like everyone else does is because I look at it from her point-of-view. If my father died and I thought the Coordinators were to blame, then hell yeah I'd be a bitch and do everything I could to make them suffer for it (even use my body) 'cause I love me pops. And one more thing on Fllay's characters. People say she's being a bitch about hating the Coordinators… well, it wasn't like she just woke up one day and decided she would hate all and any Coordinators. Her father, and the people around her, probably don't think too highly of the Coordinators so Fllay of course wouldn't either, being brought up to think that way. After all, it takes village to raise a child, right?

_"You're just jealous 'cause the voices only talk to me!"_

-Lizzy Rebel


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